Canadian Martial Arts Center

Common Students that Martial Arts Instructors See

Common Students that Martial Arts Instructors See This section taken from a hilarious thread in rec.martial-arts.moderated. You will note some of the student descriptions are similar----I found it funny that I recognized every single one of the "students"---and so I didn't want to drop any of the variations.

Question Lad (aka. What-If?): This guy will bring up every possible permutation for every drill that is being worked. Solution: Make him uki.
Captain Slacker: Dogs the drills and sucks away the stunning dynamic experience that occurs during every class. ;-) Solution: Make him uki.
The Interpreter: Seems to believe that explanations must be altered to so that the masses can understand them. Even when the masses are already doing the drill. Solution: Make him uki.
The Whacker. Selflessly and altruistically strives to make each partner drill ultra-"realistic", for his partner's learning benefit. Leaves a wake of bruises, black eyes, and sprains behind him until he tries it on the wrong person. Solution: trade partners frequently, the right one will come along soon.
The Silver Spoon. Has a unique blind spot that prevents him from seeing anything that needs doing around the dojo. This blind spot is so wide that he can't see an entire dojo floor full of other students with rags cleaning up. Solution: hand him a rag. Or make him uke. Gis make great cleaning rags, with or without a person in them.
The Assistant Insructor. Possessed of a truly amazing learning curve, this specimen has absorbed enough knowledge in six months' study to be able to offer a flawless critique of others' practice. Undeterred by the presence of actual knowledge and experience. Solution: have him do heian shodan. As my sensei told me, "Nobody knows more about karate than a green belt. If you don't believe it, just ask him"
The Vince Lombardi Wannabe: Believes only that a good offense is the best defense. Constantly attacks training partners at full speed to demonstrate this philosophy, leaving confused and disgruntled students in his wake. Solution: He/she feeds the instructor next time.
The Whiner. Common source of "but that huuuuurts!" "I think I need to sit out for a moment," and "that's too hard!" during simple basic partner drills, including all light sparring. Solution: Take two Tylenol and put them back in. They'll either gain a little intestinal fortitude or they'll quit. (Note: the Tylenol is for YOU, not them.) (Note 2: I'm not talking real injury here----I mean the whimpering little whining that happens when someone gets an arm bar put on, so that the pressure on the arm "hurts my arm muscle." Things like that. People who simply canNOT get through an entire class without at least 2 brief class pauses while the instructor checks if the person is really hurt, or just whining yet _again_.) (And yes, I've got one of these. Arg.)
The Toughman. Can take ANY technique, and "tough it out" according to him (it is almost always a him) Pressure points don't work (according to him), locks are something he can handle (according to him), and getting thrown/landed on/smashed/crushed/mangled is something where he can "take the pain, suck it up, and shrug it off." No matter what. Solution: make him uki MORE.
The Cross-trainer. "White belt, you need to adjust your stance this way." "But sir, this is the way we did it in the last tkd/karate/aikido/judo/whatever class I was in. And I've noted you don't do [such and such] technique 'correctly' ---in my last class, the teacher said it was stupid to do it the way you do." Teacher: "Arg. Can I simply kill you now?" Solution: Manage to not show Little Grasshopper why you "do it that way," and simple explain that different classes do it different ways----and in THIS class, we do it MY way.
The Primal Male. Women simply canNOT do techniques that would be effective against this man because, after all, they are women. Smaller, weaker, etc... Solution: Have the smallest high ranking female in class use The Primal Male as demonstration person for joint locks and throws. In front of the new students. (This person is common in many college programs, BTW.)
The Mouth. Has the amazing ability to continue talking while you are standing in front of him stating that he should shut up. (If you're lucky, this only occurs in children's classes.) Solution: His partner gets 10 pushups everytime he opens his mouth.
The Clueless: He's constantly doing stuff wrong. Even the simplest explanations bring a glazed look to his eye as he continues to be unable to improve. Solution: Can't think of a single one. [Ed. Note: Baseball bat. Hey, it is theraputic for the teacher.]
The macho newbie: He's big, he's strong, and he knows it. Furthermore, there's no woman in the whole dojo that he couldn't knock out with his fabulous punch, and he's going to make sure that everyone knows it. Solution: Kick him in the groin. ;) (OK, so you can't really do that if you're the instructor, but you can tell the other students to do it!)
The macho old-timer: He's big, he's strong, and he's been doing this a long time. Ain't no one in the place that better *ever* beat him at a drill, or they will pay the concequences. Solution: Kick him in the groin (Hey, Don got to use solutions over! ;), and then quickly move on to the next partner.
The "in my previous dojo"'er: Need I say more? :) Solution: send him on to his next dojo.
Ninja Bob: is pretty sure that he is training to become a covert agent, and wants constant reassurance of the deadlyness of his/her endeavors.
Every sifu's best friend: wants to be your 'best' student, but unfortunately can't deal with training in the group. It's not his fault really, but he's a kick ass private student at the no contact level. (you guys can call this "The Maurice" if you want)
Mr. Agreeable: Yes, he understands. Yes, the drill makes sense, sure. Sure, keep it slow, watch the contact. (smile, nod) Oh, like that, right. ...Proceeds (as soon as your back is turned) to, in dazed confusion, invent his own damn drill, thank you very much, fast, out of control, and not at all similar to the original.
Ms. I'm-tough-'cuz-I-do-karate. She likes to think she's tough, but anytime someone makes even a little bit of contact, she's going to complain to anyone that will listen. This is to be contrasted with the women who *are* there to train, and say nothing about the multiple bruises they take home every night from the macho-newbie and the macho-old-timer. Solution: Hit her really hard and tell her to stop being such a wuss when she complains. The phrase "It's karate/judo/etc., it's supposed to hurt a little bit" should be used often. Solution: every single time, without exception, pair Ms. Selfdefense with #4, The Whacker. This will necessitate her learning to "whack" back.
Ms. Self-Defense. She's read too many RMA threads, and truely believes that her intelligence will get her out of any struggle she may encounter. And if her intelligence doesn't work, then her legs will, because after all, women's legs are stronger than men's. Solution: Put her one on one with one of the smaller guys, and tell her to defend herself. 19 times out of 20, she'll find that her legs and her intelligence don't matter too awefully much. Every single time, without exception, pair Ms. I'm-tough-'cuz-I- do-karate with #9, the macho newbie. She will probably eventually get pissed off enough to WANT to let him have it.
The glass menagerie: think that they should be able to learn how to fight without ever falling down, getting bruised or otherwise experiencing physical discomfort. Never fully commits to a technique, holds back and typically ends up being one of the first people to experience an injury. (Usually from not committing to the movement properly) Solution: time...they either learn or leave.
The natural: has natural athletic ability which really does help him or her in the learning of MA. Is frequently lazy, however, since it doesn't seem that hard to learn. This person frequently gets bored and ends up leaving without fulfilling their potential. Solution: find something that challenges them (and make them uke?)
Eclectic Man. Has done thirty other arts for one class apiece. Is just killing time until he can create his own martial art and associated web site (whose address he will repeatedly post to RMA). Hopes to be inducted to the "World Martial Arts Hall of Fame" as "Supreme Grandmaster of the Year" before his 23rd birthday. Immediate response to any drill is "In Armenian Tae Kung Kara Aikikenpojujutsu, they do X instead". Thinks you are jealous because his uniform has more patches on it than yours does. Solution: Make him uke. Preferably for "the Whacker" ;-)
Satori Man. Has read every single book or article ever written on Zen and martial arts. Owns stock in Shambala. Has never actually done zazen. Quotes koans at every opportunity. Believes Morihei Ueshiba was God. Believes Morihei Ueshiba was a Buddhist. Is fond of expounding about how "X" is not a "real martial art" because it lacks a "spiritual component" Solution: Invite your friend Charlie, who has been teaching "X" for a couple of decades, to the dojo to teach a surprise special seminar...and thereby acquaint Satori Man with his own spiritual component by making him uke.
Variant 1 on Satori Man: all this and has never done any MA training. Solution: make him stop talking and practice. He'll go away. I recall one kid who rebelled at being forced to hold the shinai with a right-handed grip. He'd read Go Rin No Sho and according to him, Musashi didn't do it that way. He lasted 2 classes.
Jutsu Man. Flip side of "Satori Man". Believes he is the reincarnation of Miyamoto Musashi, John L. Sullivan, and Attila the Hun. Is dismissive of many "-do" forms because they "aren't practical" have "all that spirituality bullshit", or are "just sports". Believes women "can't fight for shit". Solution: Invite a small, female, godan in Judo to teach him the meaning of the term "kata guruma"...and make him uke.
The Ogler. The woman who is so busy oogling at the guys, she's not paying attention to what you're trying to teach her. In my experience, these are always beginners. One possible solution is to pair her up with a guy, ideally one of the guys she's oogling. That way, at least, I can go off and teach someone else or practice with someone who wants to train. Another solution is to throw her quickly and rather than help support the fall, let her weight drop completely. Doesn't leave quite the same bruises as punching, but can be pretty punishing all the same. Of course, *I* would never do this.
The Drifter: Comes to class once every couple of months. Is completely clueless about the material currently being studied, but wants to be promoted to the next belt. solution: Relocate the dojo every once in a while. (Thats what my Sensei does)
The Hasbeen: used to practice five or ten years ago, and has now returned. Thinks he knows just as much as the advanced students that studied with him then and haven't stopped. Tries very hard to prove he is just as good as them by using lots of force while doing the techniques. Solution: pair him up with one of said students.

Humorus Martial Arts Dictionary

I found this online, there was no name so I don't know who the original author was.
If we can't laugh at ourselves....

Aikido:
A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless of course his does not know how to ukemi in which case he has his wrist broken in about 20 places.

Arnis:
"Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima and kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronanciation of the art guarantees a quick taste.

Bo: A stick.

Bokken: A stick that looks like a sword.

Buddhism: A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate asia with statues of short fat bald men.

Chi: A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques, which in defying the laws of physics and the basic scientific common sense, allows the user to develop super human strength.

Dan: A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.
Darn: The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.

Dojo: "The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar to a B & D parlor but without the mistress.

Hakama: A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it.

Iaido: "Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword from its scabbard. A rather interesting art developed around the principle of "look how big mine is".

Judo: "Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers.

Jujitsu: A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly more damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying "You gotta a big mouth"

Karate: "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.

Kata: A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that may involve pain.

Katana: A sharp metal stick.

Kendo: A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with sticks and making in-human sounds.

Kuk Sool Won: A combination of Kata, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Zen, Jujitsu and Master definitions but of course the tapes for Kuk Sool Won are much more expensive.

Kung fu: A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white lab coats.

Master: A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced rank after long years of study or has started his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month.

Naginata: A stick with a sharp bit on the end.

Ninja: A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in his pajamas.

Ninjutsu: The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas

Sparring: Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes that you don't know any kata or techniques.

Tae kwon do: An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.

Tai chi chuan: Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway.

Tatami: "Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three inches thick (with bound straw inside.) Original purpose to prevent blood stains on the wooden floor.

Three sectional staff: Three sticks linked together.

Zen: The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine that emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission of teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old and confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on their heads during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting in a cave facing a wall for 10 years or so.

The Best Martial Art.

“There are no superior systems, only superior practitioners.”

If we compare the Martial Arts to a firearm. Sitting in a cabinet it is neither good nor bad, it’s accuracy unknown, a lump of inert metal that can neither defend or attack. Put that into the hands of an expert and it will hit the bullseye every time. Put that same gun into the hands of someone who has never fired a gun in their life and it may never hit the target.

Was it the fault of the gun that the novice didn’t hit the target?
No.
Was it the quality of the gun that let the expert hit the target consistently?
No.
If we gave these two people another gun from a different manufacturer, would the outcomes be any different?
No.

Like the gun, our Martial Arts systems are neither good nor bad, they are what we put into them.

Aubrey Millard 2003

He who knows more in the Martial Arts knows he knows nothing.

I have pondered my insignificance in the universe, which is an infinite and daunting place, and I have come to realize that I am not. That was only my beginning, to be insignificant is to never have tried to explore that which has no end. To be insignificant is to hold a grain of sand thinking that it is the universe and being content to put it in your pocket and think of it no more.
As we learn our understanding grows, we have the ability to see that which is ahead of us, if we choose to see it. Those who truly know realize that this is an unending pattern and continue to learn and grow, not in spite of that but because of it.

To say you know something is to limit yourself and close your mind to possibilities not encountered. The enlightened man knows that knowledge is limitless and therefore his current understanding and knowledge means nothing in comparison. His past knowledge is not “nothing”; it is a step needed to get to the next level. Once passed it is left there to have continuity from what was to what is but not taken up and held onto to become a burden. So while our knowledge of our current understanding IS something, the enlightened man knows it is also nothing at the same time.
The Enlightened man is the conduit through which knowledge passes, absorbing but never holding onto. Free of the bonds of ignorance he is able to flow between each sphere of knowledge to become greater than the sum of his parts.

Taken from, The Spiritual Development, Enlightenment of Life:
“A limited man can know everything that he is limited to, but he will not exceed the knowledge of his limits. The limitless man knows that he will never know everything because what he does not experience he will create.”

Aubrey Millard 2003

Does the art make the man?

“The art does not make the man, the man makes the art.”

This statement can be viewed in two ways at the same time.
In the beginning of ones training in the art there is no knowledge or awareness. The student is taught how to move, how to defend and how to attack. These are the basics, what the student is to become will be reflected in that student’s foundation in the basics. So at this point on their path, the art is making the man. Once the student has a grasp of the art and begins to expand on the lessons that he has learned he then has the ability to express himself with the art. His own self expression and experience will then change what he has learned from a point of understanding. In this sense then at this point, the man makes the art.

In another sense, since an art is self-expression (no matter the medium) and like everything else it begins in the mind. Then the man is the wellspring that the art comes from, because no matter what techniques a man learns it is not an art until he puts his ones self into it. Therefore the art can’t make the man because art is mans individual creation.

Aubrey Millard - 2003

Tradition

“Without tradition you have no foundation.”
A foundation in the arts is comprised of your dedication to what you learn and the quality of the instruction that you receive. It has nothing to do with what happened 10, 50 or 100 years ago. Since the whole idea of the Martial Arts is to conquer ones own limitations and improve the self, it is unreasonable to say that a person’s foundation is based on the people that came before. Tradition for the sake of tradition is to limit ones self and thus limit growth.

Learning to let go

Learning to let go
By
Aubrey J. Millard

How can one learn when one feels that they know it all? It might be easy for a person that has never trained in the Martial Arts before to realize that they know nothing and approach the training with an open mind, but what about the person that has trained in Karate for many years and starts to learn Jujitsu or Kung Fu? Will that person bristle at the thought of wearing a white belt and starting over? All people have to deal with ego in their lives, it is part of being human. The trick is what you do with that ego that will make or break your ability to learn and grow. I have found that there are 3 basic levels of ego that people have.

The Facade
Title and recognition are what propel this person down the path. Knowledge is irrelevant to this type of person. With each title,with each recognition the ego expands until it becomes a Shield. This type of person is always concentrating on the goal and not the path.

The Shield
This person has the belief that they are kings in their own sphere of knowledge. If anyone knows anything more than they do then they feel inferior. Their sense of self is so fragile that their biggest concern is how others perceive them. Most times this type of person can only elevate themselves by belittling others. They shield themselves within the cocoon of their ego. In this case the ego is a barrier to growth, a barrier on the path.

The Phoenix
This person has learned to let go of their ego.Their ego no longer controls their way along the path, the path and not the destination is the key , for the path of the open minded never ends. At this stage it is understood that the ego can be a teacher , a tool. This person has learned to use their ego as opposed to being used by it. I find it interesting that the size of a persons ego is directly proportional to the frailty of the self. What do I mean by frailty of the self? OK , for example,in a sparring match at class our subject is defeated. A person who has learned to let go of their ego will absorb the defeat and the knowledge of how they were defeated in order to better themselves giving strength to the self. On the other hand if that person has a encompassing ego the person will feel devastated at the loss ,come up with excuses as to why they lost and learn nothing from it. In some cases the person will convince themselves that they didn't really loose. This way of thinking will strengthen the ego but will weaken the self making it even easier to be damaged. We speak here in terms of the Martial Arts but it is relevant in all facets of life.

Letting Go There are really only two basic requirements in overcoming ego.

Recognition and Acceptance.
This may seem oversimplified but it is not. Sometimes the simplest concepts are the most difficult to grasp.

Recognition
In order to let go of something you must be aware that you posses it and you must see it for what it is.Once you recognize your ego and how it has effects your path ,then and only then, can you move on to the next level.

Acceptance
Accept the fact that you have an ego. Accept the fact that there is no end to knowledge. Accept that there may be a better way. Accept things for what they are not for what you want them to be. Accept that sometimes you will fail. Accept that sometimes you will succeed.

The Sign Post
Your ego can act as a sign post, an indicator of your travel along the path. When my ego asserts itself I take it as a warning , there is something I am missing. I examine what I am doing to find that which has been overlooked. Once found a new branch of my path is opened up for me to travel and explore , my ego shrivels in the face of the unknown and gives way in my desire for knowledge.

In Conclusion
The gathering of knowledge could be likened to a wine barrel. As you learn the barrel fills up. Once the barrel is full it needs to be emptied in order to add a different vintage. Even though their barrel has been emptied the wine has been absorbed into the wood of the barrel. So knowledge is retained even though we have emptied our minds in preparation for what is to come. If we let our ego grow and take hold it would be like a plastic skein growing on the inside of our wine barrel , never allowing the new wine to be poured in let alone absorbed.
The path we take in this life can be a long pleasant journey filled with wonder or it can be a quagmire of struggle and complacency. One of the differences is whether the ego is your friend or your master.